So some of my friends are raising their eyebrows, asking me what’s up with all the religious goody-goody stuff that I’ve posted these past few days.
I think what most people don’t know about me is I’m a Christian that lost her way. Some of them would probably question if I was just making that up. I guess, I don’t look like the type of girl who kneels and pray. Well technically, I don’t. I usually have long prayer walks. You can check out my post about that here.
Let me explain. I have a circle of friends for partying, studying, doing community service, etc. Sometimes, those circles would mix but never my circles for partying and praying.
With all the shit that’s been happening in this world – the wars, mass shootings, child marriages, poverty, infectious diseases, Mocha Uson’s blog, unequal distribution of wealth, corruption, human trafficking – who wouldn’t think that we are God’s unwanted children? Heck. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.
Sometimes, I would still question His existence. Maybe He is so perfect that sometimes, He just becomes a symbol. My plan Z when nothing else works.
But that’s how faith works. Believing in something without any proof.
I remember this line from the song Favoured by Planetshakers
I am favoured
I am blessed
By the cross, and the blood that was shed
It is true. I have a family that gave me a home, food, and clothing. I’m blessed because my parents can afford to pay for my education. But this doesn’t apply to everyone. Can you really make them sing these lines when their loved ones just got killed in a mass shooting? Or those people who got killed during Martial Law? This is a fucked up world we are living in.
Some would say that earth is just our temporary home or it is the workings of Satan, influencing people’s minds causing turmoil in the world.
But why won’t God intervene? I don’t get it.
I can actually imagine my Christian friend saying, “How about you? What are you doing? Why won’t you intervene?”
She just answered my question with another question. But I am trying to intervene through whatever ways that I can.
Then she would say something like,” God is working through you. Be humbled.”
I don’t understand.
That girl from last Friday who got drunk and partied all night was me. That girl writing all these religious goody-goody stuff is also me. I am a hypocrite.
I’m still trying to rebuild my relationship with Him. One day, maybe I would understand, or we would finally meet in person and He can finally answer my questions.
It sounds kinda wrong, but I can’t wait to meet Him.